And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
