i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
