whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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