remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
