I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
