have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
