Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
