Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
