When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
