Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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