i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
someone owes me an orgasm
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
