Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
are you so shy because you have an std?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
