it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
