Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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