So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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