why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
