Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
