Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
