I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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