mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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