So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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