I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
then he tried to convert me to islam
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
