I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
