bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I think people are normalizing furries
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
