Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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