you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
