she is the kim kardashian of front butts
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
