Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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