the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
