I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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