i already hear my dad disowning me
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
