some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
