I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
