She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
