Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
