I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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