operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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