My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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