I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
