Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
