she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
