I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
