The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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