Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
