so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
When are your genitals available?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
