I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
