Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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