my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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