1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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