Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
