I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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