I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
