when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
