remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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