Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
