i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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