***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
