I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
